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(Stuff.co.nz)   Most gallingly of all, aliens don't want to have sex with us. Face the facts, New Zealanders: aliens are just not that into us   (stuff.co.nz) divider line
    More: Sad, Face the Facts  
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6431 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jan 2011 at 2:55 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Copy Link



47 Comments     (+0 »)
 
2011-01-02 10:14:40 AM  
Maybe because they don't exist. Well I'm sure aliens exist somewhere but they haven't been here.
 
2011-01-02 12:00:22 PM  
Speak for yourself, Kiwi.
 
2011-01-02 3:00:49 PM  
i swear on my little life that i have seen a UFO before.

/i believe!
//still sane. ( i think )
 
2011-01-02 3:01:52 PM  
Bah. BAH I say. Clearly our planet just needs to get a nice job and possibly buy some looser fitting jeans.
 
2011-01-02 3:02:59 PM  

PonceAlyosha: Bah. BAH I say. Clearly our planet just needs to get a nice job and possibly buy some looser fitting jeans.


Its not our planet, just New Zealand.
 
2011-01-02 3:03:10 PM  
img5.imageshack.usView Full Size


Oh, they're interested, all right. They'll do anything to get you in their get-gone. Worse yet, they'll want custody of the kids.
 
2011-01-02 3:04:48 PM  
Maybe not into you subby, but I have a deeply spiritual relationship with them. They get me, you know?

/don't judge me.
 
2011-01-02 3:05:23 PM  
I guess they don't want to mate, mate.
 
2011-01-02 3:07:29 PM  
That article is something like what PocketNinja would write.
 
2011-01-02 3:08:26 PM  
HaHaQuaker.jpg

I just had video game sex with an Asari and my gf was watching!

/she said I was amazing
//the alien, not the gf
///gf said I could use the practice
//pwned slashies
/:/
 
2011-01-02 3:09:24 PM  
I've had sex with an alien before. Hot woman too. Only one piece of warning though. Don't marry them, cause all they want is a green card.
 
2011-01-02 3:09:49 PM  

wallypod: That article is something like what PocketNinja would write.


In 1959, for example, Blenheim farmer Eileen Moreland was getting the cows in when she noticed a couple of silver-clad men in a craft that moved "at a speed which would make a vampire look like it was standing still". (Presumably she was referring to a Vampire jet aircraft, rather than an actual vampire: as more recent scholarship has revealed, actual vampires do not in fact move quickly, but spend most of their time lolling against walls in American high schools, brushing back their quiffs and moping over the flawless, milky-white necks of teenage virgins.)
 
2011-01-02 3:11:31 PM  
evilovenmitts.comView Full Size


Hot and steamy, unlike a kiwi...
 
2011-01-02 3:12:35 PM  

Mugato: Maybe because they don't exist. Well I'm sure aliens exist somewhere but they haven't been here.


Buzzkill.
 
2011-01-02 3:13:46 PM  
By the strictest definition ("Unidentified Flying Object"), I have seen a UFO. I don't know what the hell it was, but it was flying like nothing I've ever seen before. And it wasn't just me; there were dozens of people that I know of who saw it.
 
2011-01-02 3:15:24 PM  
It makes perfect sense to me.

If you are going to have a toilet stop, do you want it in a busy place? one that is over-run by paranoids and looneys? one that is dirty or dangerous? No. You want a place that is low traffic, out-of-the-way, clean, quiet and reasonably nice.

Take a look at the globe and you can reach only one conclusion: the best place for aliens to take a pit stop is New Zealand.

Either that or New Zealand is just full of sane, dull, honest people who don't make up abduction stories.

I new a New Zealander from a "good family": rich dad, mom from a prominient political clan. He called his look the "mental outpatient" look. Most people couldn't understand half of what he said because of the accent and speech impediment. I could except every once in a while when I lost the track of the conversation for a while.

I don't think he would have blinked at an alien using a public convenience at 3:00 a.m.

New Zealand is a lot like Canada, only things are closer together. The only place where things are close together in Canada is Vancouver. It has the mountains close to the water close to the hippies close to the right wing British colonials.

The Lower Mainland is the New Zealand of Canada.

If there is an alien toilet stop in the Northern Hemisphere, it's probably on Vancouver Island or in Alaska. I'd go with the island.
 
2011-01-02 3:16:47 PM  
It's not that they don't want to have sex with us, it's just you have to wait till just before the final mission for them to put out.
 
2011-01-02 3:18:06 PM  
I dunno, those aliens from the sheep planet seem to be very willing.
 
2011-01-02 3:19:04 PM  
In other words, New Zealand is the intergalactic equivalent of Palmerston North

Poor Palmerston North, the butt of so many jokes.
 
2011-01-02 3:19:12 PM  
"Quiffs". There's a word I haven't heard in a long time. Don't go using it carelessly. It means something other than a shock of hair in other places.
 
2011-01-02 3:19:26 PM  
If aliens are really that intelligent, why are the wasting their time with us?
 
2011-01-02 3:19:30 PM  

ghostofreasonpast: I've had sex with an alien before. Hot woman too. Only one piece of warning though. Don't marry them, cause all they want is a green card.


That's when you say "I'm a bit of an alien myself" and envelope her in your tentacles.
 
2011-01-02 3:23:09 PM  
Weber kettle barbecue! Weber kettle barbecue! Weber kettle barbecue!

I think we should ask Bill Griffith to draw Zippy's encounter with a flying Weber kettle barbecue.


Illustration
(new window)
 
2011-01-02 3:23:26 PM  
Damn it. There goes my fantasy.

sexyfunnycool.comView Full Size
 
2011-01-02 3:25:21 PM  
ecx.images-amazon.comView Full Size


Where all your scifi pr0n got it's ideas from
 
2011-01-02 3:30:56 PM  

bhcompy: Where all your scifi pr0n got it's ideas from


Looks like Avatar.
 
2011-01-02 3:38:25 PM  
So then...they just want to slow dance with us?

/obscure?
 
2011-01-02 3:39:37 PM  

jagec: bhcompy: Where all your scifi pr0n got it's ideas from

Looks like Avatar.


Predates Avatar by 50 years. Farmer is one of the Grandmasters of Science Fiction, and Heinlein credits him for opening many doors for his writing(and Farmer the other way).
 
2011-01-02 3:42:33 PM  
[image from blog.nola.com too old to be available]
 
2011-01-02 3:50:19 PM  

GungFu: bhcompy: Where all your scifi pr0n got it's ideas from

The Bible is older. And the Sumerian tales, and other legends of spacemen bonking earth natives are even older still.


True, but they were taboo in the US until the scifi explosion in the 50s and 60s
 
2011-01-02 3:50:32 PM  
I can think of at least one alien that wants to have sex with at least one of us.

images1.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size
 
2011-01-02 3:50:59 PM  
automopedia.orgView Full Size


There he goes. Homebody farked a Martian, once
 
2011-01-02 4:54:23 PM  
[image from bscreview.com too old to be available]

Says you, subby!
 
2011-01-02 4:57:54 PM  
FTA "Then they pack up their BBQ tongs, brush any remaining condiments from their silvery knees, and whizz off to abduct a few mouthbreathers from the deserts of the American Midwest."

Awesome.

BTW, the aliens don't stop over at NZ to drop a luminescent green log or two (and then heel it down the shower drain to save time), they go there for the fush and chups.
 
2011-01-02 5:42:57 PM  
I beg to differ

Its best explanation for some of the beings I've woken up to/with
 
2011-01-02 5:49:19 PM  
"I mean no harm to your poophole."

i2.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
2011-01-02 5:53:01 PM  
freeimagehosting.netView Full Size


/it's because NZ is full of people like Derek.
//and Dereks don't run.
 
2011-01-02 6:01:50 PM  

Trance750: If aliens are really that intelligent, why are the wasting their time with us?


Maybe they see potential?
 
2011-01-02 6:27:08 PM  

I_Should_Be_Working_Right_Now: Trance750: If aliens are really that intelligent, why are the wasting their time with us?

Maybe they see potential?


Dinner, anyone?
 
2011-01-02 6:31:41 PM  
images.starpulse.comView Full Size


bring it
 
2011-01-02 6:55:44 PM  
They need us to keep providing good beef for other countries so that more people live and the ale-yuns can keep laughing at us as a planet.
 
2011-01-02 7:01:15 PM  

whammer: "I mean no harm to your poophole."


*Harf*
 
2011-01-02 9:54:10 PM  
I loved her legs.


i51.tinypic.comView Full Size


But I did not like the way Yvonne's character Marta was killed.



i55.tinypic.comView Full Size
 
2011-01-02 10:53:00 PM  
Face the facts, New Zealanders: aliens are just not that into us

Neither are the sheep, subby, but that hasn't stopped you from trying, now has it?
 
2011-01-02 11:05:45 PM  

steerforth: Face the facts, New Zealanders: aliens are just not that into us

Neither are the sheep, subby, but that hasn't stopped you from trying, now has it?


If you're havin' trouble with your barnyard friends
You got a thing for ewes
Been countin' sheep, but you're not in bed
Here's what you gotta do

Get off the farm, stay outta the barn
Go read a nursery rhyme
Don't ring 976-BAAA, that kind of love's a crime

Dirty Deeds Done with Sheep
Dirty Deeds Done with Sheep
Dirty Deeds Little Bo Peep
Dirty deeds and they're done with sheep
Dirty deeds and they're done with sheep

My friend Larry has a little lamb
Her fleece is white as snow
He keeps braggin' 'bout her night and day
Someone should tell him NO.

Look at the flock, they're all in shock
Here comes that mutton fan
Knock off the fleece, give them some peace
Don't be a barndoor man, no.


Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep
Dirty Deeds Little Bo Peep
Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep
Dirty Deeds and they're done with sheep
Dirty Deeds and they're done with sheep

Velcro gloves, kneepads, late night dates
Done with sheep
Warning signs, electric fences, high voltage
Done with sheep

Dirty Deeds, don't tell them what I done to you!
Done with sheep
Dirty deeds, Dirty deeds!
Dirty deeds done with sheep --Baaaaa!
(Quiet gals, I think the shepard's comin')
 
2011-01-03 12:52:15 AM  

Trance750: steerforth: Face the facts, New Zealanders: aliens are just not that into us

Neither are the sheep, subby, but that hasn't stopped you from trying, now has it?

If you're havin' trouble with your barnyard friends
You got a thing for ewes
Been countin' sheep, but you're not in bed
Here's what you gotta do

Get off the farm, stay outta the barn
Go read a nursery rhyme
Don't ring 976-BAAA, that kind of love's a crime

Dirty Deeds Done with Sheep
Dirty Deeds Done with Sheep
Dirty Deeds Little Bo Peep
Dirty deeds and they're done with sheep
Dirty deeds and they're done with sheep


Beautiful country. Very ... hilly.

cache.virtualtourist.comView Full Size
 
2011-01-03 1:40:59 PM  
They have correlated their scans of New Zealand geography with certain other cultural artifacts of ours and come to the conclusion that any attempt of theirs to visit NZ would be met by dwarves, elves, and scary-looking dudes with magical swords. You could have avoided this, kiwis, if you'd encouraged Peter Jackson to film in Wyoming, but nooooooooooooooooooooo.
 
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